Loved deeply...

Being loved is addicting.

This concept is not something I've ever written openly about. Because being vulnerable about one of my deepest needs is scary. I want to be loved. You want to be loved. And when you are, it's like warm honey being poured into your soul, like the sweetest of songs drifting through the trees, & it's like sunshine on your skin in the middle of January... it's pure. At least it feels pure.

One of the most impactful things I've learned these past few years is about love. How to love, who to love, why to love... I will be expounding more on these subjects as I feel led. But I want to write about this love that is not just in your romantic relationship but also with friends & family members. My sweet momma is a wonderful example of love, she knows when I just need a cup of coffee or that I don't mean what I say when I'm hangry (hungry/angry) & she even knows the times when all I need to do is cry for a while. I try to know my family in this same way. It's helped so much to grow up closely with them. But with my friends, I came to interesting conclusions. There are three types of friends that I have, those who pour into me, those who I pour into & those that I can hang loose with & discuss this weeks updates on The Bachelor. On rare occasions, you can find someone with all three qualities. Having a friend who loves you correctly & you know how to love is a gem among stones. I recently had a conversation while on a mini shoot with one of my new friends about how we can love each other as sisters in Christ. I am so blessed by this, & now by her. Genuine & flourishing friendships are bound to last when laid out like this.

But the hardest love relationship is when you're dating or beginning to date someone. Yes, I know I'm quite inexperienced in the world of relationships since my first & most recent one ended abruptly a couple months ago (yay, vulnerable time). I love that first little butterfly you get in your stomach, to looking for his car at your favorite coffee shop. Or when you find those perfect little things in common. Having the spark of the beginning of a relationship. The infatuation, the comfort, & the deep love. Some have a crash at the end & fall into a rut. Some even end the relationship there. The good thing is that we get over it. It might take a minute or days. But with others, it takes months or even years. We are the deep lovers. The ones who give everything to love fully & wholly. We are the ones who get hurt & move on, but still subconsciously live around our scars. You can be loved with scars & you will. But they are still emotional & physical ties that are so hard to cut. I am broken & wrecked. So sorry to say, but so are you. That temporary happiness is nice but its just that, temporary. You will feel hollow again after you get over trying to fill your need for love with a earthly person.

But the story never ends there because the most filling thing that I've also learned is how to acknowledge the hurt & ask the one person who I know can to heal the scar and fill the need. I think you know who I'm talking about. The One who dives into you & completes your needs, the One who forgives you & forgets your past sin, the One you look for everywhere you go, the One who wants to have moments with you talking about how to love each other, & the One you can only hope to have things in common with. He is The One who wrote a living love letter to you, the reader, & The One who is so infatuated with you that He breathed a sky of stars for you to gaze upon, the One who should be your first love. This very One not only loves but is the word Himself. He is love. God is love.

This fact is incomprehensible. How can someone even be love? What even is love? Yes, it definitely has an emotion tied to it but I do believe that loving is an action. Let's talk about that.

We are commanded to love one another in John 13 (GO READ). Wow, I almost just teared up in reading this over because I'm realizing how shallowly I love people with action. Jesus commands this a couple verses down from when He gets on His knees & wipes grime & dirt off of the disciples feet. Like the lowest of servants. Our definitions of love have changed so much, but they still can be redeemed. It could be by letting someone just talk it all out while on a long walk (I love this), maybe by calling or telling someone in person how much they mean to them or encouraging them in who they are becoming. It could be by giving someone a long hug, or picking up their favorite ice-cream on the way over. Or it could be by mimicking Christ Himself & doing something of service to someone you love. Or a really hard one, loving that person despite the differences you have, it could be seeing them happy, even when it's not with you.

I also deeply believe that it takes a lot to love someone, which is the first step. You have to forgive, often times get over yourself. You even have to make a legitimate, conscious decision to love that person because of their differences & their mistakes. Imperfections are normal, they are expected. The best news is they can be refined by submitting to God's process of refinement. But this is a hard thing to do. I have become familiar with the refinement of the Lord & I want to keep submitting so I can keep becoming who He designed me to be. So when the time comes that the Lord gives me another opportunity to love I can carry it out with Jesus Christ in the center. Only one person is your best, your perfect life partner. Only one can be with you all if the time & meet your deepest needs. You may love others as much as you can, as deeply as you will, but He must be your first love (Psalm 73:25-26). But the way to learn how to love is right at the tip of your fingers, in God's Word. It has a very accurate description of Christ like love in 1 Corinthians 13. Even if you know it, memorize it. So you can get through those rough times that you feel like you aren't loved, aren't loving correctly, or when you need to remember the real source of love. Because being loved is addicting, & the only way you can get the permanent fix is going to the complete source, Abba Father. Who proved that love by sending the one HE loves to take on the sins as an act of service, as a living sacrifice. Don't take that for granted. Love one another accurately to the best of your abilities. & maybe, just maybe, they will see that pure love flowing out of us that the Lord Jesus has for them too.

"Most importantly love, like it's the only thing you know how at the end of the day all this means nothing, this page, where you're sitting, your degree, your job, the money. Nothing even matters except love & human connection. Who you loved & how deeply you loved them. How you touched the people around you & how much you gave them."

- Rumi Kapur

oh & hey... I love you.