I've Fallen In Love

I've fallen in love. So hopelessly without return. No poem can compare to this romance. He captivated me from our first meeting. He showed me His love in radical ways. He demolished the memory of any other man who has spoken intimate words through my ears or caressed my body. He rebuked my belief that I am not worth it, that I owe an earthly man something, that I am not enough; all of which I have taken on. My own fickle insecurities that I permanently branded to my skin. He took cloth & wiped the scars of self hate & lies from my shell. I was broken by the world, by the weight of my own mistakes. He picked me up, taught me how to see the world as the dream it was. How to see our life together as the reality it is.

I fell for Him when He spoke words to my soul, when I let Him see all of me & He still chose to love me. I fell for Him when I heard His laugh at the things I tell Him, I know He delights in me. I fell for Him when He woke me up to the sound of my name through the trees, when He let the birds sing for me. When He let the flowers bloom early this year & we pick them together. When He sang with me in the shower. When He timed out a church family for me and continues to teach me to love them too. I fell for Him when I gave me dreams to think about all day, passions for big things and a love for the simplicity. When He made me the object of His affection. A man like this, what do I have to give?

I have nothing. I have a small part of my heart that has been passed around. I have a young life that I often think I can control. I have a voice that can sing His praises through a cracked tone. I have hands that wear & tear. I have a smile that masks the pain that overcomes me so often. Even when I give myself to this Man who has relentlessly loved me, I quickly lose trust & take it back. I know it breaks His heart but I keep cheating with people & with things, with my own will. I let my own fear scare the hell out of me & I pull away from intimacy with Him. I think how could He understand the hardships of this world if He's just watching it, how could He tell me He's handling it when I think He's not doing anything fast enough. I make myself believe He is the source of my pain when He is nothing but the cure. That's when I call out, I call out from the depth of the prison in myself, He hears, He rushes off His throne & gathers me. Somehow He finds me fit to unshackle my wrists & free me, free me into His arms. He smooths my hair, He whispers the things He loves about me, He asks me to stay there, He protects me, provides for me. He mends my brokenness & restores my soul. He is a faithful lover. I can't pretend to understand this love of my life, but I know that all He asks from me is me. He wants to shape me, shape the world & let me help. He says He will prepare me for another other groom, He knows the exact time it will take me to trust again. Because He is my greatest conquest, my deepest need, my perfect fit. He is the only One I want now. I'm His bride, I'm His love, the one He sings love songs over, the one He makes jokes to & laughs with, He has broken every rule to love me. Yet when I can offer little to nothing back, He knows & loves me regardless.

The ocean responds to His fingers, the mountains move when He says. The very universe can re-arrange itself when He smiles. He changes the heart of many & shows grace to all who ask. He breathes into life what pleases Him. He has the attention when He walks into a room. I know people think I'm crazy to love Him like I do. I would be afraid of their judgement but He is fearless with His love, I will be too. When I worry about tomorrow or about the state of my own life, He reminds me that He has it covered. I've come to trust Him & He let's me take my time in that. When He did have to physically leave He left part of Himself to invade His church & each of us, I am never on my own. His very Spirit is ever present. He has such patience with me when my pride becomes so large that I take control, but as soon as I crash, there is no 'I told you so'. He might not ask for directions but somehow He always knows where to go, He knows my style & my favorite flower & food, He knows my love language even from my childhood. I'm never scared to take Him home cause He loves my family more than I do. He is so wise in His advice when I don't know what to do. It astounds me that He chose me.

"If the stars were made to worship so will I If the mountains bow in reverence so will I If the oceans roar Your greatness so will I For if everything exists to lift You high so will I If the wind goes where You send it so will I If the rocks cry out in silence so will I If the sum of all our praises still falls shy Then we’ll sing again a hundred billion times"

This man, gave up His very breath for me. He told me that with Him, I am worthy. With Him, I can do anything. With Him, I am enough. I'd say that He completes me. I can't imagine loving someone how this Man loves me, I know I couldn't do it. I can't stay that I've ever really fallen in love, but with Him, I now know that I'm head over heels. I've fallen in love.

"In the morning when I wake And the sun is coming through, Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness, And you fill my head with you

Shall I write it in a letter? Shall I try to get it down? Oh, you fill my head with pieces Of a song I can't get out

Can I be close to you? Oh-oh-oh-ooh, ooh Can I be close to you? Ooh, ooh

Can I take it to a morning Where the fields are painted gold And the trees are filled with memories Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down, And the day is almost through, Oh, the whole world it is sleeping, But my world is you."

- BLOOM - the paper kites