salty lips and belizean cokes

Sometimes I still wake up and think, "God, why am

I here? Why does your plan seem like such a mystery to me?". But I also spend hours walking the beach worshiping loudly for getting the opportunity to be here.

I was told before I hopped on my plane that there would be days that I would be so content with this little base in Belize and other days that I would ache for the comfort of home.

In this letter to you all I want to tell you about the days that I am beyond content with this new place that is becoming my home. And as it becomes my home, I have to say that I am getting a little more comfortable with the *massive* bats that fly around my casita and the fact that I actually can't find a place to be alone for more than a few minutes. Literally, I'm currently in a room with eight other people using third world country wifi. So I'm rolling with it. I like the break of walking down the beach though. For some reason, as soon as I start walking, the gears in my head start moving. On Monday I had actually had a pretty emotionally long day because week four lecture started. It is on the Father heart of God. Already wrecking me at that point I had to spend a little time by myself to have a processing chat with Abba. Right after dinner ended I went around a few tables to see how my other buds were and one of the staff had her dog tied next to her chair. Now Riley the pup is pretty active so she was just jumping all over me. So I offered to take her on a walk. Off we went, Riley obviously leading me...

As I walked and prayed and waited to hear the Lord, I remembered that sometimes He is just wanting to spend some time quietly. So that is what Riley and I did, we walked and quietly enjoyed walking the beach of a little island that the Lord placed both me and this dog on. When we turned to come back to the base, Abba whispered some sweet nothings in my ear. Handing Riley's leash back over to her owner I realized that the One often gives us the desires of our heart, not what we think we need. I thought that I would want to spend so much time with the two little kiddos of a family that lives on base. Purely just because I love and miss my niece. But seeing now I think in a silly way my heart had a desire to walk with a dog. Riley isn't my dog but I sure do miss my little pup from home. Walking with a dog and talking with a present God was just what I needed that evening.

Already I'm aware of the Holy Spirit surrounding me and the trinity radiating unity and soul. This makes it easier to relate and ask the Lord questions and for little signs of His love for me. In an amazing twist last weekend I actually got certified as a scuba diver... not something I ever thought I'd say. I feel really blessed that through Him I've not had many fears. Growing up to this year my last physical fear for the time was the deep ocean and my ability to handle myself in it. I think being sixty feet under an unknown sea, relying only on the knowledge I had gained on a six hour computer course and some hands on experience with our instructor Carlos. When I got down under the water though, fears dissolved like the bubbles that I exhaled. Even when I nurse shark came swimming by... don't worry Mom, it was only five feet and totally harmless. But the next day of diving I was eager to uncover the creatures of the deep.

So when we got down under the waves, I (and apparently one of my dive buds) started praying for a rarely seen beauty. Just as I started getting discouraged three dolphins swam up right next to us and started twirling and chirping in the water like we were soft and graceful like them. My mind was blown! When we surfaced Carlos told us that he hadn't seen dolphins on a dive in over a year. I felt like God had sent some angels with fins to brighten my first dive as a fully certified PADI scuba diver. They say that you'll never forget the first breath you have underwater, I say you'll never forget how good a coca-cola tastes on salt water lips.

Sometimes days get long and dragging here. Even though we are surrounded by ocean, I don't want to swim. Even though I could watch a movie in the sandroom, I don't want to sit more. Even though I could study more, my eyes are tired from 6+ hours of lecture. One night I think all of us needed something different to do, so we started walking down the shore in hunt for popsicles or sweets. We walked by resorts, totally bare areas and broken down homes. Under the starry sky I fell in love with one of my friends hearts and learned a deep past from another. Even though we paid four BZD for a popsicle that melted in my hand, I needed some fresh air, sand in my toes, and union of souls that I would be spending two more months with. Many nights are spent reading, sleeping, or preparing my heart for the next day of lectures. But, nights like these are the ones that I know that I am supposed to be on a YWAM base with twenty other seeking people.

Through the book reports and the geography tests, through worshiping and leading worship, through snorkeling and cooking, through just an evening in Taylor's casita watching movies or small group meeting. Even a lunch with my new (very brotherly) brothers and cracking open a coconut. Through all of these sweet memories of growth and of newness, I learn one all encompassing truth, when you invest your whole heart, it will devour you. With that said, I'm glad to fully give a heart to be consumed with the passion of Christ. He loves these moments like I am beginning to. I can only hope that through the lows and the highs, I will never stop pursuing a God who is pursuing me with a fierce love. The love of a Father, of a Mother, of a Friend, and of a Lover.